The New Christian 4-Letter Swear Word

If you love me, obey my commandments. -Jesus

We are disobedient people—a lot like Ancient Israel actually. Their theological history forms the basis for ours, but unfortunately, their disobedience does as well. From the Beginning, Humankind was bent on disobeying God. The Creator tells Adam and Eve not to eat from the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and they do it anyway. God tells Moses to speak to the rock, and Moses strikes it; God warns David not to take a census, and voilà, now he has to choose a catastrophe for his country. Unfortunately, this pattern of disobedience threads its way through the rest of the Bible, into Acts, and into our lives as well.

This topic fascinates me because the word “obey” often elicits that latent part in us that instantly rebels. As such, this tiny four-letter-word is used so infrequently in our culture, outside of children and pets, because we have such an aversion to it. But why has it become almost unmentionable in sermons, and even a swear word? I think it’s simple: We hate being told what to do.

From a Christian point of view, it all boils down to an idol of autonomy. As children, we looked for independence and disobeyed our parents. When we entered the professional world, our bosses became hard to obey. Finally, when the late-comers, like myself, became Apprentices of Christ, the Teacher became difficult to obey.

Now, as we understand more of God and His amazing plan for our lives, why is it still hard to obey Him? Dallas Willard asks, “How can we trust God for our eternal salvation but not for the next sandwich?” Do we trust Him enough to obey Him in our daily lives as well?

The answers as to why we disobey are several fold, and they begin with our sinful nature. But I think the main reason is because a lot of us are “secret atheists”, in the words of Graham Cooke. Think about it, do we actually believe that God has the best in mind for our lives if we obey Him? Can we really trust Him? Does He really love enough that we don’t have to manipulate, manage, and coerce people and circumstances to get our own way?

Like a self-willed toddler, we love to find out for ourselves what lies on the other side of God’s Will, as our sinful wonder tests to see if the the proverbial stove is, in fact, hot. So our sinful nature certainly likes testing things: stoves, boundaries, even God—to see if the consequences are true. Some of you are smarter, and actually learn from God and others that stove-touching is harmful, while people like me, have burn scars and many long withstanding band-aids instead.

The more good news is that freedom awaits us on the other of the door of obedience. What are we free of, you ask? We are free to let our circumstantial cards fall where they may. We are free to be joyful because it no longer depends on us. We are free, because after we obey God, whatever else happens, its now not up to us.

Someone once said that when we obey God we should do it immediately, with joy, and completely. I agree, and try to remember that as Christians, we get to, we never have to.

Want to know a spiritual secret? The truth you might have been waiting for to propel you into a deeper relationship with God? Then come close…come really really close so God can whisper it in your ear: The fastest way to growing closer to Him is by obeying Him in everything, even in the small things.

What We Do Know

Mark Twain is supposed to have said, "It’s not what I don’t know about the Bible that scares me, it’s what I do know ¹." I agree with him. When we ponder stories from the Old Testament of God's wrath on Israel's enemies, to Israel's requirements for holiness, to their consequences for violating the Mosaic and Levitical Law, we can see that this would have certainly struck fear into the hearts of even the most casual Jewish person in that time.

In the New Testament, Jesus expands his moral code exponentially, as Matthew records on the famous Sermon on the Mount (or the Sermon the Plain in Luke). As we now live in this New Covenant, violations occur not just in the physical act of adultery, but Jesus states that just looking at a woman with lust is akin to adultery. Another example is that if you condemn your neighbor with an insult, it is tantamount to murdering them. Even being "wishy-washy" without a clear "yes" or "no" comes from Satan himself. Clearly revolutionary teachings like the Old Testament's lex talionis are child's play compared to God's new standards.

Jesus' and New Testament teachings can be difficult to follow, but I think they are clear: God values the human heart, not just outward actions. But even though the Bible lays out a pathway to God and his moral requirements for us, how do we interpret Scripture when the passage is obscure, or even downright scary? We don't know which passages Twain was referring to that scared him, but one that scares me is in 2 Kings Chapter 2.

In verse 26, we read that Elisha was walking one day and was hassled by a band of forty-two boys. They laid a litany of verbal assaults on him, calling him "baldy", and the prophet felt threatened. But he didn’t run away like a most of us would if a gang of forty-two people intimidated us. Instead, like a scene in an Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie, he stood his moral ground, and defended himself, and, in a Gandalf-like way, conjured-up two bears from obscurity to attack his hecklers.

Now, these weren’t cuddly bears like Baloo or “Kung Fu Panda”, this divine pair actually mauled the entire motley crew. Just in case you didn't get that: Elisha was threatened by a gang, prayed, and bears leaped out of the woods and ate his attackers. Was this a bit an overkill (pun intended) by God? Couldn't God just have teleported Elisha away like he did to Philip after he shared the Gospel with the Ethiopian (Acts 8:39)? Don't get me wrong, you can make a strong exegetical case that these "boys" were actually a group juvenile delinquents endangering the prophet's life, but it still begs the question of whether God could have used another method to protect Elisha.

The Bible is full of other questionable passages that can leave us wondering about God's character and how to interpret the words he left us. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah with burning sulfur, blessed King David who committed adultery, and commanded the Prophet Hosea to marry and stay committed to a prostitute! In the New Testament, Jesus talks candidly about wars, rumors of wars, famines, and natural disasters in the Last Days, and that only "those who stand firm to the end will be saved" (Matt 24).

Dwelling only on passages like this can leave us confused, and even wondering about the true nature of God. We certainly shouldn't shy away from diligently studying them (as they are in the Canon for a reason), but to truly understand God, we must take the Bible in its entirety. When we do that, and look at God's overall character and plan for humankind, we can see that he is good, and his ways are perfect, and he loves his people. Many verses attest to this fact:

Psalm 136 emphasizes over and over that "His love endures forever."

John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Paul writes in Ephesians, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." (3:20).

The Book of 1 John states that "God is love" and "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (3:16, 4:8).

Verses like these, and numerous others, reveal that we can trust God and his enduring love for his people, even amidst seemingly other ambiguous passages. God gives us enough information about him, and it's in this "enoughness" that our minds can rest, and we can entrust our lives to him. Then, the actual scary sections of the Bible become the ones that reveal what happens when we don't choose to follow him, and the consequences of living a life apart from him.

Take for example John 3:18: "Whoever believes in him [Jesus] is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son." Also, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit" (John 3:5). "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell" (Matt 10:28).

When I remember how God has made himself totally available to the world, and how his love saturates the Bible, suddenly the thought of wild animals jumping out of the woods eating God's enemies seems less scary. Then, like Twain, the passages I know that speak of a life-after-death without God actually become the ones that cause me to tremble.

Book Review: Sacrilege, by Hugh Halter (5 Stars)

Book Review by Eric Demeter

Let me first confess that my bias toward this book review is in the fact I’ve met Hugh personally twice, in two different states. I’m not sure if he remembers me, because our interactions were brief amidst a crowd of people. The first time was after a conference on a plane in Orlando, and the second time was at a conference in Kansas City. My impression of him is that he is a straight-forward, smart, no-nonsense kind of guy who can be intimidating when you first meet him. In the past, I have written-off seemingly blunt Christians like Hugh, but there’s just one problem with that: he’s a very likeable guy. He loves the Lord and loves people, and it truly shines through.

Therefore, his newest work, Sacrilege: Finding Life in the Unorthodox Ways of Jesus, comes as no surprise to me. The title is obviously provocative, and it’s meant to be. I was ready for the topic, and it didn’t shock me because many of the new missional books released over the last several years have challenged the religious status quo, especially concerning the Church. But Hugh’s work was refreshing, because it focused on becoming an apprentice of Jesus, and how to live the same “sacrilegious” life Jesus did.

As Hugh defines it, “Sacrilege is about removing religion from our faith. It’s about securing the integrity of what is most important. It’s about chipping away at people’s false assumptions about who Jesus is and what following him is all about” (pg 32).

So the premise for the title lies in the contested teachings and actions of Jesus by the religious hierarchy of his day. Hugh points out that our Savior was accused several times in the Scriptures of violating Jewish law when he ate and drank with tax collectors and other “sinners”; when he healed on the Sabbath; and when he challenged the teaching of the Pharisees. Of course, the glaring irony of the title quickly becomes apparent because none of what Jesus taught or that Hugh is advocating for is truly sacrilegious—it’s only behaviors that have become sacrilege, by past and modern-day Pharisees.

In my opinion, many churches have, in fact, exchanged a relationship for Jesus for that of a ruled-based religion. We teach irresistible grace to our pre-Christian neighbor, but when we rescue them to the Christian fortress, i.e. “church”, this grace is then belittled by church authority, dogma, and behavior management preaching.

Thankfully, this book (and Jesus’ goal) was not a “how-to” guide for becoming a spiritual “butthead”, and to see how many congregations one could get thrown out of. It’s really about finding and following Jesus as a true apprentice. To what groups of people and situations your apprenticeship takes you is up to God, and if it happens to ruffle the feathers of your Sunday school class, they just may not save a doughnut for you if you arrive late.

In the author’s words, “Biblical apprenticeship is about three things: becoming just like Jesus, doing what Jesus did, and doing the above with the types of people Jesus liked spending time with (p. 50).

Big Billy

Besides liking the author personally, I knew I would enjoy this book for another reason: the story Hugh told of his gruff neighbor in Chapter 1. One time he was minding his own business, cutting the lawn when his tough, ex-mafia neighbor named “Big Billy” stood on his deck and gave him the “bird” (a.k.a. the “middle finger” for any neophytes out there). Back and forth as he went with the mower, his neighbor continued to signal him. Pouring over what to do next, and not wanting to show his neighbor he was afraid or offended, he decides the only appropriate response was a big “double bird” back. After seeing this, Billy invited him over for a tasty beverage, where their friendship began.

The threads of this story can be seen throughout the entire message of Sacrilege:  Our faith is about loving God and loving people first. I’m sure you’re not surprised when I tell you Someone very important first said this two thousand years ago. Billy-the-neighbor ended up becoming a good friend, and became part of the of their faith community (p. 31). Although it might have been “sacrilegious” to some church goers to throw-up a “double bird”, do you think Billy would have been “reached” by a plate of brownies and a Christian track?

Hitchhiking In New Zealand

This story reminds me of one of my sacrilege moments. I was hitchhiking around New Zealand with two female friends as part of a “Faith Week” program organized by our Christian organization. They challenged us to see what God would do if they literally dropped us off on the side of the road with only a small backpack, no tent, and only $20 each. We prayed which direction to go (north, south, east or west), and were commanded not to come back for seven days, unless someone was near death.

Our first “hitch” went well, as we were hosted by a friendly American couple taking in the sites with their rental car. They were very cordial, the rental car was new and tidy, and they were excited to give their first-ever hitchhikers a lift. Our second ride was very different. At a gas station, I met some fine young fellas who were driving a classic, beat-up Volvo station wagon packed with cargo. They were happy to pack us in and give us a ride to the town of Franz Joseph about thirty-minutes away. My two teammates, Kayla and Melissa were a bit more reticent, and might have even used the word “shady” to describe them.

Five minutes later we were hurling down the highway at 85 mph taking corners like we’re in the Indy 500. While we were hanging on for dear life, they happen to mention they were also drug dealers. Wonderful. I think at that time they were actually high on their own products. For some reason, my two teammates were not thrilled with my choice of rides. In jest, I whispered a Hail Mary to my teammate Melissa but, surprisingly, she did not find any humor in it.

But all joking aside, why we didn’t ask them to pull over and ride with someone else is certainly a valid question. Let’s just chalk it up to Divine Providence (God can use our stupidity too, right?). Once we arrived at our quaint glacier town, we settled in and I met my new entrepreneurial friends at a local pub, while the girls stayed behind. I promised them a drink once we arrived but hesitated and thought, “We only have 20 dollars each for a week. Am I really going to spend mine on a couple beers for drug dealers?” But I was convicted to do so and bought the libations. Then we chatted for a bit on the balcony overlooking the main street, along with several of their friends. They asked me why I was in New Zealand, and it eventually opened the door for me being able to share the Gospel with them and about six of their cronies.

Would I have ever been able to share the Gospel if alcohol wasn’t involved? Maybe, maybe not. But aren’t eight souls, precious to the Lord, worth buying a couple beers for and risk offending a few Christians? I thought so. My church back home probably wouldn’t have understood, and probably even some Christian peers, but it was clear to me that it was the right thing to do.

Conclusion

In summary, Sacrilege is first about hitting the reset button on our faith, and deciding that becoming an apprentice of Christ is better than only being “saved” by Christ. Secondly, it’s about having the courage to explore and experience the “sacrilegious” life God has called us to. Adopting a new paradigm is difficult and takes time. That is why, thirdly, we must take baby steps and engage the practical “To-Do’s” Hugh has given us at the end of every chapter. “Although following Jesus leaves you with some scars, I wouldn’t trade in this life for anything, and as wild a ride as it’s been, this life has been as meaningful as I could ever imagine”—agreed (p. 221).

My bottom line is that we live in a real world, with real people, and with real problems. Our lives and the Church are not supposed to be just a reflection of Christ, but the actual embodiment of God’s Kingdom (a.k.a. what God wants to do) wherever we are. Hurting people feel better and we figure out godly solutions to complicated problems when we remember this. Ministry happens not just on Sundays but through daily Incarnate living during mundane Mondays and spirited Saturdays.

Since I like to rename books, my new title for Sacrilege would be Did We Forget Christ in Our Christianity? And the subtitle would be We Weren’t Just Supposed to Tell People About Jesus, We Were Supposed to Be Like Him. Or, I’d rename it, Becoming an Apprentice of Jesus: Go Have a Beer with Your Neighbor.

If I was offended with any part of this book, it would have been with the author’s choice of counter-insults to his gruff neighbor. Although the “double-bird” response was quick thinking on his part, it was a bit uncreative. I would have reciprocated with the "full moon" instead.

Book Review: Boundaries In Dating: 3/5 Stars

After my last post I needed something lighter to write about. Here comes my first public book review: Boundaries in Dating, by Cloud and Townsend. I chose this because I liked topic, it was simple to read, and was cheap for my Kindle. And, as a single guy in his mid-thirties, I could certainly use the advice.

For those of you who don't know, I am very passionate about relationships. I know, that sounds funny when it's said like that but it's true. Topics like communication, conflict resolution, and dating have intrigued me for a while now. It probably stems from all the meetings with my mentor, Dr. Tim Nelson, over the last decade. He and his wife are both marriage and family therapists and he's been mentoring me for the last twelve years. Honestly, "mentoring" is a huge understatement, and probably just a euphemism he uses so I feel better about all the free counseling I've been receiving. Therapists like him can cost a lot of money, and for all the time we've spent together, I probably owe him at least twenty thousand dollars. No joke.

Before I begin, one thing I need to remind myself is that a book about relationships is not the same as personal counseling in relationships. I've been infused with dating advice from a professional for many years, and it's been personalized to my needs by a friend who truly knows me. A book about dating is not personal, and written to the masses, filled with mainly general truths we must translate to our own unique situations. When I think about this approach, and it only being ten bucks on Amazon, I feel better about buying it.

Let's dive in...

Summary
The premise, which is the same as in other Cloud and Townsend books, is that of proper boundaries. In this case, it's healthy dating boundaries. I don't remember them ever actually providing the definition of a boundary, but I deduced it through many of their practical examples. My best description is that boundaries are more or less practical ways of defining what you value, so that you can find someone worth dating (and marrying). Once in a relationship, good boundaries would be used to protect your level emotional attachment and sexual intimacy, and guard against any number of potential mates with "red flag" character flaws such lying, immaturity, outbursts, etc.

The authors also discussed the topic of engaging in healthy conflict, and normalized it, to my liking. They spent a good deal of time advocating for the reader's own personal growth and "pulling the plank out of your own eye" before asking your partner to do so. They were also quick to point out that if you could see potential problems in your "datee", it was better to bring them up sooner than later. Easy enough.

And that's how I'd sum up the book: "easy enough". If I could rename the book, I'd call it Christian Dating 101, and the subtitle would be: "Don't date anyone who is isn't a Christian, someone who lies, or someone who just wants your body." I know that's a long subtitle but I think that pretty much sums up all 280 pages.

Strengths
But don't get me wrong, Cloud and Townsend did a solid job laying a foundation for relationships. To know your values, to grow yourself emotionally and spiritually, to have a partner who wants to grow, are all helpful things to remember when dating or looking for a mate. Whatever I didn't like about the book, I liked the fact that they mentioned several times the healthiness of finding someone who wants to learn how to resolve conflict well.

Criticisms
Now, let me share what I wish the authors would have said about boundaries. Boundaries, as I will define them, are simply implicit or explicit "yes's" and "no's" that guide us in our own lives and in relationships. Our values establish our boundaries, or vice versa, because many times we don't know what we value until a boundary has been crossed.

For example, you might not know how much you value a clean house until you marry someone who's not as tidy as you are. This person would inadvertently cross your boundary by leaving socks on the bedroom floor which is a "no-no" to you. But because values change in duration and intensity over time, the spotless house you once valued might take a back seat after having two or three children. Again, this is normal.

On a side note, I think its helpful to point out the obvious fact that just because we value something or find it "worthy", doesn't mean God does. It is normal and healthy, at any given point in time, to be moving toward or away certain values (a.k.a. sanctification).

Throughout any dating relationship, therefore, the values we hold (or those in process) will create internal and external decisions that will guide you into into saying "yes" to some people and "no" to others, "yes" to some behaviors and "no" to other behaviors. Relationships that fit with your and God's value system will be healthy, and both of you will grow. They will produce godly character in you and others will eat your relationship fruit. They will be a guide to help you find this person, even if your current boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't turn out to be "the one".

My other beef with this book was that a few times they labeled people as "lonely" and said to be wary of "lonely people". (Take it away, Beatles!). Blanket statements like this that use one adjective to describe another person bother me. It probably stems from my family therapy classes where we didn't uses phrases like this, but described people as "struggling with loneliness". I just don't see people only through one lense. We're all dynamic and colorful. Most of us, can be quite happy one day and down the next. Or, maybe it's just me.

But seriously, who is never lonely? I like the sound of talking about people where their struggles are just a part of them, but not defined by it. For me, I look for someone who is moving toward being like Christ, instead of creating the impossible expectation to find someone who has already "arrived".

As I alluded to earlier, I wish they would have specifically defined boundaries as values, but then the title would have been Values in Dating. If this was true, then the title would be extremely boring and no one  would buy it except Puritans. Or, people would think the book was really just filled with coupons and tips to save money while dating. I believe the authors had to stick with the "boundaries" theme because of its past popularity in their previous works. Whatever the reasoning, the book was really about values in dating.

Conclusion
The authors mainly write from their own experiences and from their client’s experiences. But that's not all bad because they have their PhD's which is assuring to me. It contains a lot of “how-to’s” but not a lot of quoted research. Basically, it’s a very pragmatic book, but lacks an overarching continuity or an interesting running story. There were several nuggets of truth in there, but the lack of a narrative made it more of an encyclopedia of dating anecdotes and maxims than a deeper theology of self and relationships
 

At the same time, if you need a good Dating 101 book, or are tired of making all the wrong relationship choices, or if you are new to Christian dating, then I recommend it. There's certainly a lot of practical advice that reminds you not to date anyone too weird, or any weirder than you at least.

For Relationships 201, I'd recommend The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. I will review this book in the near future.

Eric

Here are a few tasty tidbits from C & T: (all direct quotes)

• Dating involves risks, and boundaries help you navigate those risks
• Remember that you will have a good relationship to the degree that you are able to be clear and honest about everything
• The Bible and all relationship research is very clear on this issue: people who can handle confrontation and feedback are the ones who can make relationships work
• But make sure that you are scrutinizing yourself harder than you are your date (James 4:6)
• To be happy in a relationship, and to pick the kind of relationship that is going to be the kind you desire, you must be able to be happy without one
• Dating was never meant to cure aloneness. It was meant to fulfill adult needs for male-female romantic relationship on the way toward marriage. Aloneness is to be cured by relationships with God and other people
• Know your tastes and what is important to you, but stay open and flexible in dating, for you never know what might happen.
• The best test is always your experience of the person.
• Be yourself from the beginning
• Relationships grow in a healthy manner only as they undergo experiences, and there is no shortcut to experiences
• Solving conflict in ways that do not involve leaving the relationship
• Remember to use gradual, well-paced dating to not only seek love, but also to become loving: “Love is patient” (1 Corinthians 13:4).
• Loneliness is one of the most painful yet necessary experiences in life
• Good relationship helps us to become more of who God made us to be, not less
• Keep your phone line open until you are sure who you are dealing with and that you really want to cut yourself off from other dating relationships.
• You cannot demand for the other person to change without changing yourself as well.
• The irony is that Christians should be the least blaming people in the world
• Your date needs to hear the truth about his failings. But he also needs to first hear about yours.
• “What do you call two people who have conflict with each other? A relationship.”
• Find someone who loves God and who you can grow with. Then enjoy the journey together!